Dear Jessica,
Congratulations on finding something you love in soccer. I want to tell you that you can play this game as long as you want, but that you are enough without it. Your life will be filled with so much goodness, but there will also be some very dark periods. Speaking of, I’m sorry that you had to get yours last year. I know that you are in a lot of pain and that you are afraid. I wish I had better news, but this pain will last until you are 37 years old. And worst of all, your biggest fear will come true. You will not grow up and be a mom. This news will be both excruciating and freeing, there won’t be many people who understand what this feels like but that doesn’t mean the feelings aren’t worth sharing. When you finally have the surgery, your husband will be right by your side. Can you believe it? You do get a husband and he’s really special. He will love you unconditionally and he will be your safest home.
Life will feel extra confusing for you because you will have many interests and get bored easily. This will never go away. This world is not set up for people like you, but that’s ok. You will move a lot and change careers. People will criticize you because they don’t understand. But stay true to what fuels you. Never stop creating, it’s your lifeline.
You will feel torn between a version of you that loves rigidity, organization, rules and one that is fanciful, free-spirited, wildly independent and a bit rebellious. It will feel chaotic to have both of these inside of you, but it’s ok. It is ok to write a daily to do list and then operate totally independent of it. You don’t have to fit into a box, in fact you will thrive when you stop trying to.
But, I do have one list that I hope you’ll stick to, so here it goes:
Don’t take life too seriously
Have fun every day, even if it’s something small
Ask for help when you need it, you don’t have to do it all
Make mistakes, you’re supposed to
Write everything down, everything, just trust me
Always know you are loved, no matter how lonely you feel
Travel as much as you can
Be kind, to everyone, no matter how mean they are to you
Get the dog, he will change your life
